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Some days after checking into Lotus du Coeur for the third time, her bowel peristalsis ceased, and eventually, she could not digest anymore. Her cousin, who rushed to her bedside from Hsinchu, held up the cup carefully so that Chong-Lan could taste the lemon-flavored jelly fig through a straw. “I. Tasted. It.” said Chong-Lan with a faint breath, but you could still feel her happiness. The bittersweet taste of jelly fig was like what Chong-Lan often referred in Lotus du Coeur as “the taste of content”. The taste came back again and again to sweeten up her heart…
After some slight coughs, Chong-Lan could not help but closed her eyes and journeyed into her dreamland.
“Dragging this elephant leg…” laughed Chong-Lan when she was checked into the hospice for the second time, just before Chinese New Year.
“Don’t you want to draw on it a…” Dr. Shih-Chi Chen paused for a moment.
“An elephant!” Chong-Lan finished his sentence immediately. They looked at each other and started to laugh.
“The least patient-like patient is going home. Ha! Ha! Ha!” On the eighteenth day, Chong-Lan was laughing wholeheartedly because she was going home for the Chinese New Year. The nurses and the volunteers came to say goodbye. Although the ambiance was exuberant, it was somehow a little gloomy because Lotus du Coeur was goning to be quiet for a while without the Jokester. Her eldest sister just came back from fetching the pills that they had to bring home. “Twice a day. Take it with breakfast and with dinner. You have to break it into half and take only half each time. And this, take it only when you feel pain, and that, take it when it's necessary. These are the orange pills, and this is for coughing...” explained Hsio-Mei item by item. She was the nurse who was going to deliver her baby soon.
Chong-Lan, who was organizing her purse, took out a picture and said, “This is the picture that I plan to display in my funeral.” She looked a lot older in that picture. Even though she was 37 years old, many people thought that Chong-Lan was only in her twenties. The nurses and the sisters all maintained that she looked younger as how she was now and suggested her have another picture taken. “That's all right!” said Chong-Lan, “I'm a fairy and I'm going back to the Heaven!”
The old Sister Quan-Quan came in and gave Chong-Lan a big hug.
“I’m collecting your benign ‘chi’. Ha! Ha! Ha!” said Chong-Lan who was hugging the sister tight, “I wanna become prettier and prettier, and even prettier, and have a good path ahead after saying farewell! I’m absorbing your benign ‘chi’. How are you gonna deal with it?”
“I’ll give you all my best and pull everything bad to me,” said the sister with sympathy.
Chong-Lan responded, “No, no way!”
The sister told her not to worry, “I’m very old. It doesn’t matter!”
“Still no, even though you’re old. We both have only benign ‘chi’. There is nothing bad!” Chong-Lan always managed to bring our sad thoughts to the more positive side.
Hsio-Mei, with tears in her eyes, melancholically asked Chong-Lan to come to visit them in Lotus du Coeur. Half-jokingly, Chong-Lan commented, “Pregnant women like to cry!”
“Come to have a picture together,” Chong-Lan called out to everybody. Squeezing each other on the bed, her eldest sister pressed the shutter button and made her a souvenir. A sister tried to console Chong-Lan by saying that, “You have to believe that you’re not ill!” Chong-Lan replied that it did not matter whether she was ill or not, since she had struck the balance.
With everything ready, she was going to go downstairs and wait for her father to come to pick them up. Sister Quan-Quan gave her a kiss. “I’m so lucky and content!” said Chong-Lan satisfactorily with her eyes shut. “Happy Chinese New Year! Happy Chinese Valentine’s Day!” They were Hsio-Mei’s wishes for her, and Chong-Lan replied, “I’m very happy everyday!”
“Sister Quan-Quan loves you.”
“The least patient-like patient is going home. Here’s my kiss for you!”
After returning home, it was the ninth day of the lunar calendar year that Chong-Lan began to feel her strength vanishing. She checked into Lotus du Coeur for the third time and asked herself if it would be the last time? While Chong-Lan was sleeping, her eldest sister was worried that, although she had laughed, chatted and eaten a lot yesterday, Chong-Lan spent most of the time sleeping today.
Eyes open again, Chong-Lan said, “Sometimes, I fall asleep just like that. I even don’t realize it.” Chong-Lan felt hungry, so her eldest sister went to the kitchen in Lotus du Coeur to warm up some dumplings. It took only a few minutes, and the dumplings were still covered by steaming vapor on top. With tiny bites, Chong-Lan chewed and swallowed them slowly. Sometimes it was almost like a freeze frame shot and she seemed to be falling asleep again. “Today, it’s taking me enormous amount of efforts to go to the toilet, and I don’t know from when I won’t be able to walk,” laughed Chong-Lan, who usually finished her sentences with a loud laughter. However, it became less and less audible.
These two days, Dr, Shih-Chi Chen invited some patients to observe cherry blossom in Ali Shan. Although she was not able to join, Chong-Lan asked her eldest sister to bring the pictures from last year’s cherry blossom trip in the mountain. In addition to reminding herself of that beautiful memory, it was also for others to look at her cheerful faces in the pictures. Dr. Chen printed out the pictures immediately after coming back from this year’s trip.
“I’m coming this afternoon,” said Dr. Cehen.
“Maybe I’ll be sleeping in the afternoon,” replied Chong-Lan with a naughty smile.
“Then I’ll wake you up with the pictures.” Dr. Chen pretended to respond in a matter-of-factly way.
“Whatever. I’m not fired yet from Lotus du Coeur. So far, I’m here to stay,” said Chong-Lan.
The friend who was looking at her photo albums asked Chong-Lan if she went on this year’s trip to Ali Shan. Immediately Dr. Chen replied, “No, but it’s all right. I’ll make it up. I’ll invite Chong-Lan for coffee. I know at least some basic manners.” And, everybody was laughing out loud at his reply.
The next day, Chong-Lan’s conditions suddenly improved. Her cheeks were apple red with sunshine spilling into her hospice chamber. Everyone was joyfully taking pictures with Chong-Lan. Dr. Chen came to say hello and told her that, at noon, there would be a young child with leukemia checking into the room next door. You could see on Chong-Lan’s face that she felt really sorry. However, she never complained about her own conditions. Later on, this child was shrieking out of agony. The sound penetrated the wall, clearly and heart-piercingly. Chong-Lan did not mind, and asked Dr. Chen to tell the next-door child’s parents that it did not disturb her at all.
Every time when she checked out from Lotus du Coeur, Chong-Lan would asked her eldest sister to help her donate N.T.$10,000 to the Tzuichi foundation. “You should aim to become an honorary director,” said Dr. Chen, who came to encourage her when hearing that Chong-Lan was checked in again. Chong-Lan said, “Not bad in this way. If I donote N.T.$10,000 each time when I check out, I’ll have to check in and check out a lot of times so as to donate a million in total!” Then, Dr. Chen did a little calculation and said, “But, it will take a long time. Maybe I’ll be retired by then.” Chong-Lan said that when her time was up, she would like to donate N.T.$100,000 to Lotus du Coeur, in the hope that the Hospice will be able to bring warmth and happiness to more patients.
“I had a belly stroke!”
Pointing at her own belly, Chong-Lan told us reservedly that her intestine just suffered from hemorrhage. Her organs were perishing and her bowel peristalsis had ceased to function. It seemed that, in a split second, she was unable to eat and to insist that she must walk her way to the toilet, and finally she had to wear an oxygen mask. With her whole body collapsed in the bed, she was not able to move her legs even slightly. All she could do was – to wait for the arrivals of rounds and rounds of agony. Nevertheless, every time when the nurses finished injections and feeding her medicine, Chong-Lan still insisted to turned her head and uttered, “Thank you.” with the corners of her lip faintly moving up.
The intervals became shorter and shorter between each measurement of blood pressure and oxygen density. “I’d like to return home at my last moment” was Chong-Lan’s wish. In the very last few days, everybody was following Chong-Lan’s breath with full concentration. “Na Mo Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva.” Fearing that if Chong-Lan suddenly woke up, she might be panicked and confused by her own whereabouts, Dr. Chen sent over a sutra broadcasting machine, which prayed softly at her bedside day and night.
One day in the late afternoon, the hospital chamber was unexpectedly full of stir and movement. With great efforts, Chong-Lan opened her eyes and let out a shiny smile that had not been seen for several days.
“The situation is getting worse! We shouldn’t hide it from you,” said Hsio-Mei the nurse, who brought her newborn child to show to "Auntie" Chong-Lan before taking the baby home.
“I brought my baby to visit you.” Hsio-Mei, with tears in her eyes upon entering the room, placed her baby beside Chong-Lan’s pillow.
Chong-Lan turned her head to look and responded, “What a beautiful baby! Such a cutie!” and tenderly she touched the baby.
“I hope she will grow as beautiful as you,” said Hsio-Mei.
“Surly much more beautiful than me,” replied Chong-Lan.
“And becomes a fairy like you!” Eyes still full of tears, Hsio-Mei smiled.
Watching Hsio-Mei choking slightly with low sobs, Chong-Lan said, “Please don’t feel sad. I’m very grateful for all your care for me. Thank you so much!” As if exhausting her last bit of strength, she uttered with rough voice, “I’m very lucky and very happy. Thanks so much! I really appreciate your sincere and truehearted friendship.”
Chong-Lan told us that she was so content and so happy, and she asked us not to feel sad anymore!
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